AtomReconciliation Day
Matthew 18:15-20
With credit to King Duncan for his sermon “Reconciliation Day”
Dear “Click and Clack”, started the letter to the Tappet brothers, the mechanics on NPR’s Car Talk. Those who listen to or read Click and Clack know that these are the radio names for Tom and Ray, the hosts of Car Talk.
Dear Click and Clack:
Today I was involved in an accident. I was happily cruising along at the speed limit . . . in the right lane, when someone came up behind me. He was clearly very upset that I was doing just the speed limit, and he could not stand being unable to get around me because of a line of cars in the other lane. He began to follow me very closely.
Now, this situation activated some kind of psychological trigger for me, and I responded by tapping my brakes, causing him to swerve into the other lane (fortunately, there was a gap in the line of cars there). He didn’t stay there, though. He swerved back into my lane, and followed me even more closely. I responded by applying my brakes gently, and he proceeded to hit my car ‑‑ four times before we came to a stop! I got out of the car and started yelling at him, which he reacted to by leaving the scene . . .
Now, legally, I know that the accident is entirely his fault. But ethically, I feel that I could have avoided the accident if I had not reacted in such a rash way . . . My question is, can you suggest an alternate, less self destructive but equally satisfying response other than hitting the brakes when I am being tailgated? – [signed] Cliff
Click and Clack answer like this:
You want something equally as satisfying as having him crash into your car four times and then take off? Well, you could drive into a tree to make him feel bad. Unfortunately, the only reasonable thing to do in that situation is ignore the guy, Cliff. That’s difficult to do when somebody is being an unmitigated jerk . . . But if you’re doing the speed limit and driving legally, that’s the only good solution. Anything else is escalation ‑‑ and, as you realized, that makes you equally responsible for the results. He does one thing; you retaliate by doing something else. Then he retaliates, and pretty soon . . . nobody even remembers, or cares, who started it.
It’s very tempting to “teach the other guy a lesson.” But that’s not your job. My brother tried that for years. When someone would tailgate him, he’d stop the car in the middle of the road, get out, walk around and ask if there was a problem. After being punched in the nose five or six times, and paying off the vacation homes of several local plastic surgeons, he finally gave up and now leaves the lessons to the police.
That’s what you need to do, too, Cliff . . . When something like this happens, remember that people ultimately get what they deserve, even if it isn’t at that exact moment. If you’re a nice person, good things will happen to you. If you’re a jerk, the police will eventually pull you over, you’ll get a $200 ticket, [and] your insurance rates will go up $400 a year.
Interesting situation, don’t you think? Yet, it we ask, “Have you ever been in a situation where you were right, but you knew an expression of anger would cause the situation to escalate?”
Let’s try another situation. This is a to advice columnist Ann Landers…obviously a few years ago, but still relevant. It also dealt with handling anger and resentment. It reads like this:
Dear Ann Landers, I’ve suddenly become aware that the years are flying by. Time somehow seems more precious. My parents suddenly seem old. My aunts and uncles are sick. I haven’t seen some of my cousins for several years. I love my family Ann, but we’ve grown apart. Then my thoughts turn to the dark side. I remember the feelings I’ve hurt, and I recall my own hurt feelings the misunderstandings and un-mended fences that separated us and set up barriers.
I think of my mother and her sister, who haven’t spoken to each other in five years. As a result of that argument my cousin and I haven’t spoken either. What a waste of precious time.
Wouldn’t it be terrific if a special day could be set aside to reach out and make amends? We could call it “Reconciliation Day.” Everyone would vow to write a letter or make a phone call and mend a strained or broken relationship. It could also be the day on which we would all agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend. This day could be the starting place. We could go on from here to heal the wounds in our hearts and rejoice in a brand new beginning. Signed, Van Nuys.
Ann’s response was this: “This is a great idea. I propose that every year at this time we do just that that we celebrate “Reconciliation Day” and pick up the phone or write a letter that will bring joy to someone who might be in pain.”
“Reconciliation Day”…In my mind it’s a great idea, particularly when we hear the Gospel for today from Matthew.
Jesus says in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother or sister sins [against you], go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over . . .”
RECONCILIATION DAY…In South Africa this day is set for December 16, 1994…following the end of the Apartheid systems. And, even though my Google search told me that Oct 4th is a date set by some, for the most part:
Reconciliation Day certainly hasn’t got off the ground for us as a people…even though it should be an automatic for followers of Jesus…automatic because: Reconciliation is at the heart of Christian faith.
Paul writes in II Corinthians 5:18, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation . . .” This is who we are. We are a reconciling community. Christ has reconciled us with God. It follows that we, then, are to be reconciled with one another. Thus, if someone has something against us, or if someone has done something to us, rather than striking out in anger we are to go to that person and seek to be reconciled. This is who we are…Reconciliation is at the HEART of who we are as God’s people.
Now, while I know I mess-up every day…this time, several years ago…in the eyes of the other, I messed up big time!! And this mess-up (which I didn’t know was as big a mess-up as it was) was then magnified over the years by a few other situations (as our human tendency is to put the most negative construction on the other when we’re in conflict with the other) and, in the other person’s mind and life, the barrier grew and grew and grew…until the day this person walked into my office, closed the door…and…we talked:
We talked, we listened, we prayed, we talked…we discovered we had very different understandings of the situations in question, all honest and legitimate, in a number of ways…and, we shook hands after a couple hours with some deeper and different understandings…and then…
Several months later, at Christmas Eve worship…as this person came to receive communion…and when the bread was offered…this person looked me in the eye and said, “I forgive you.”
And…it was a powerful moment of reconciliation for both of us!!
Let’s say it again: Reconciliation Day should be an automatic for followers of Jesus because Reconciliation is at the heart of Christian faith. We all mess up, we all sin…we all have had relationships strained and we all have strained relationships with others. I sense, if the scriptures were abit more accurate, they would read:
WHEN your brother/sister/or you sin against another. It’s not a matter of IF, but WHEN!
Because we all mess up, Reconciliation is at the heart of Christian faith. Reconciliation that brings new life…vertically through Christ…and horizontally through others:
Warren Wiersbe, an author I so appreciate tells the story:
Wiersbe tells about an elderly man who stopped by his study one day. The man asked Wiersbe if he would perform a wedding for him. Wiersbe suggested that the man bring his intended bride in so that they might chat together and get better acquainted, since he hesitated to marry strangers.
“Before she comes in,” the man said, “let me explain this wedding to you. Both of us have been married before to each other! Over thirty years ago, we got into an argument, I got mad, and we separated. Then we did a stupid thing and got a divorce. I guess we were both too proud to apologize. Well, all these years we’ve lived alone, and now we see how foolish we’ve been. Our bitterness has robbed us of the joys of life, and now we want to remarry and see if the Lord won’t give us a few years of happiness before we die.”
Do you resemble any of this? Somebody (you or someone else) does something dumb, or says something dumb, then pride gets involved, and a relationship that could have worked out beautifully gets broken…and falls apart from there???
Yet, what a powerful thing it is, however, to see such a relationship restored. Which brings us to our second point…
For a relationship to be restored, someone has got to take the first step. “If your brother or sister sins [against you], go and point out their fault, just between the two of you . . .” And further…this Reconciliation is tied to the cross. Paul writes, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation . . .”
It is because Christ took the first step and reconciled us to God through his death on Calvary that we are able to take the first step to be reconciled with those who have hurt us.
God took the first step to heal the rupture with humanity; now we are to take the first step in healing any ruptures in relationships with others.
The person who came to me TOOK THE FIRST STEP…and what a powerful step it was!!
Today, this person no longer lives in our community…but this summer we chanced to meet in Central Market…and it was GOOD to talk and catch up…
This would never have happened if THIS PERSON hadn’t taken the first step!!
Yet, so often we wait for the other to take the first step. After all…they were in the wrong wrote the person to Click and Clack!!
Today, let me remind you…the other might not be in worship today, hearing God’s word spoken…and this means…maybe, it’s up to YOU to take the first step…to make that phone call…to stop by…to send that email (be careful about using emails for reconciliation however as emails have been known to cause many MORE issues than they solve!!).
Now…without question, we’ve been focusing on the first “level” of this reconciliation text between people. There’s more to these verses…when reconciliation does not take place…is not possible!! You’ll note the steps as you read the Gospel on your own again:
Seeking out others to be witnesses…
Seeking out the “church” – remembering this is a “House” church…
A small group place of accountability…
If not listen, to treat the others as “tax collectors and Gentiles”…which are:
people Jesus LOVED…
People he ate with…forgave…one who wrote today’s Gospel about Jesus….
But, the focus today is on the FIRST STEP of the reconciliation process, the part that is so often the hardest to do!! We’re also focusing on the first step, because, as Stephen Covey reminds us, over 90% of all conflict is simple lack of understanding and lack of clear communication: and the FIRST step 90% of time is all that is needed!! Thus, we’ll save the rest for another day!!
For today:
It’s “Reconciliation Day”…remembering that Reconciliation is what Christian faith is all about. Who’s going to take the first step in those relationships you have that need some care and attention? Perhaps you’re hearing that call to you???
Today we celebrate that God in Christ reconciled us to God through his death on the cross. Jesus took the first step for us…and He offers to us HIS gifts of body and blood, His gifts of bread and wine…which are ways HIS gift of Reconciliation becomes real for us. Means of Grace we call them.
And then…having received these gifts from our God, we remember…
- Ø All of us are tempted to strike back at the offensive driver.
- Ø All of us are tempted to hold on to resentments even to the point of allowing precious relationships to be severed.
But what would Jesus have us do?
Matthew, the tax collector, tells the story pretty clearly.
Jesus would have us take the first step.
People of God, it’s Reconciliation day…it’s a day:
We give thanks to God for His gift of reconciliation with us…AND…
We make today our Reconciliation Day with others. AMEN!!
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