Atom“Jesus, Divorce, and Forgiveness”
Mark 10:2-16...But from the beginning of creation, “God made them male and female.” 7“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,* 8and the two shall become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’
Several years ago at one of our ministerial gatherings…local pastors from the various congregations and denominations of our community gather monthly to pray and encourage and share notes about what is happening in our congregations…a new pastor joined us around the table. Before he sat down, however, he said to the group, “Look, I just want you to know that I am a pastor who has been divorced and remarried…you need to know that so I can know if I am welcome to join your gathering.”
Here again is one of those words from the scripture, from Jesus that has been a test of fellowship and welcome in the Christian Church. Every time I read it I think of dear friends of mine, committed Christian people…one a favorite Aunts who encouraged me in my own walk with Christ, one a friend who is a pastor, and other sisters and brothers in this community, who must wrestle with this little passage each time it is read. Even those who have not been through the pain of divorce in our own marriages know family members and friends who have and wonder what this word means for them and for us. We struggle with it. And this morning we’re going to do that just a bit more as people who take our Lord’s words to heart.
The Gospel writer, Mark, tells us that some Pharisees came up to Jesus and tried to trap him. “Tell us,” they said, “Does our law allow a man to divorce his wife?” You might know that the question of divorce is not just a modern question but a burning question even among the religious leaders of Jesus’ day. Jewish writings from the time record heated arguments between various religious leaders regarding the legitimate grounds for divorce. For those who may think divorce in our day seems too easy or casual…it may have been even easier in Jesus’ day…that is, if you were a man. Jewish women were not allowed to initiate a divorce as they were considered the property of their husbands. All that was required Jewish men, however, was that they write a letter stating that because of displeasure, they no longer wanted to be married, and then tell her three times, “I divorce you; I divorce you; I divorce you.” And that was that.
The controversy raged then around what were legitimate displeasures – reasons for divorce. Some said, “It could only be infidelity or adultery.” Others said that it could be for almost anything that displeased the man: failure to produce a male offspring (or any offspring at all), sloppy housekeeping, poor cooking skills, an aging appearance.
The Pharisees bring this argument to Jesus, not to learn anything from him, but to trap him, to put him in one camp or another and so divide his followers. Perhaps they hoped to divide the women from the men. The men might leave him if he forbade divorce altogether, and the women might abandon him if he sided with the “old boys.” They may have even hoped that Herod might come down hard on him as he had on John the Baptist when John criticized Herod divorcing and then remarrying his brother’s wife (who had been divorced).
But Jesus didn’t bite on their arguments. Instead, he directs them away from Moses and the law to God’s intention for marriage found in the book of Genesis, Chapter two. God’s intention for marriage is for a permanent, inseparable, partnership between a man and a woman. God’s created intent was for a unity – a oneness – that was impossible to separate. Last night we had a wedding here at First Lutheran. Instead of what has become a tradition of lighting “Unity candles,” Erin and Jeremy poured “Unity Sand.” The mixing of two different colored sands, nearly impossible to separate once joined gave a powerful image of what Jesus is talking about here. Jesus is reminding those gathered (and those of us listening in today) that marriage is not a matter solely of law, but a matter of God-intended-and-created-unity, a oneness of body and mind and spirit impossible to draw apart. The point, of course, is that laws and judges and pastors don’t make marriages happen between people, but people – men and women created by God to compliment and partner with each other – make marriages. Men and women marry as they enter into a physical and emotional and spiritual union which is like no other in creation.
And please remember that this oneness was not a “magical eyes meeting across the room, you are the only one for me, oneness,” but a learned and practiced oneness as most marriages in the time of Jesus were arranged by families. But God was also in it and somehow in joining their households, they also joined their lives – their bodies and spirits and hopes and dreams – in a unique oneness the Bible describes as “becoming one flesh.”
It follows then that since laws and judges and pastors do not make marriages, they also cannot separate that which has been joined. I believe this is what Jesus is saying in verses 11 and 12. After challenging the Pharisees with this truth from creation, Jesus takes his disciples aside and says to them, (my interpretation here) “Look…think about it…divorce is really impossible…once a man and a woman have been so joined, they cannot really even separate themselves. Once they have entered into this intimate union of body and spirit and emotion, they can’t stop being one.”
When we teach our young people about sexuality we need to remind them that the physical union between a man and a woman is also an emotional and spiritual union that is so powerful that it will remain with us throughout life. It is God’s good gift, and such a powerful uniting force that we toy with it at great risk. You can get back your class ring or letter jacket or whatever else young people trade with each other as commitments, but the sexual intimacy that makes marriage unique cannot be returned.
I have a friend from High School and College who believed that if he just lived with his girlfriend and did not officially “marry” her, he could somehow avoid this “one flesh” business.” Not so…according to Jesus.
I believe this is why Jesus says what he says to his followers: “A man who divorces his wife and marries another,” says Jesus, “Commits adultery against his wife.” “Likewise, a woman…” Remember that Jesus is saying this to his disciples when they are alone, apart from the baiting of the Pharisees. And I tend to believe that Jesus might have said this with a certain amount of sadness rather than judgment – a description of the reality divorced and remarried person’s experience. Even though the paper may say you are divorced, that person is never really out of your life. You are and will always be connected. If you have children, there is a visible connectedness. But there is also a deeper, emotional, spiritual connectedness that remains even after you are done with the law courts. And this is what Jesus is talking about – I believe. God’s created purpose is for a permanent relationship, and even though divorce happens, no one ever goes back to square one again. The only ones who can really talk about divorce being “easy” are those who have not been through one. That is why there is good reason to work as hard as you can to keep your marriage together. You will never really be able to leave it.
Now, as clear as Jesus’ words of permanence are here, there is yet more to be said. Before we use these words of Jesus to clobber each other we need remember that though God’s intention for marriage is permanence and God’s will is unbending, God’s love is unending. There is no failing of ours – even our failing in marriage – to which God cannot bring healing and forgiveness. We dare not make divorce the unforgivable sin – nor remarriage.
The same Jesus who refuses to compromise God’s will for marriage is the same Jesus who welcomes all who fail to fulfill that will, whether in marriage or any other area of life. It is the same Jesus who offers living water, eternal life, and a new beginning to the Samaritan woman at the well…a woman married five times…and quite possibly divorced five times…for whatever reason.
It is painfully true that sometimes, in spite of our best intentions and best efforts on behalf of our marriages, divorce happens. I believe that there are very few, if any people, who enter into marriage with the intention of divorcing one day in the future. We want our marriages to be whole and satisfying. We want to stay together. But sometimes things fall apart…even when we make our best effort to hold things together. As Jesus welcomed and offered living water and a new beginning to the Samaritan woman who was broken and rejected, Jesus also welcomes us. He welcomes us to admit our sin – our shortcomings and inability to live fully according to God’s will. He welcomes us to receive his forgiveness and the promise of healing. He offers strength to endure the pain and brokenness. He offers courage to try again as renewed people to have whole and complete relationships and marriages.
So, I offer two things with regard to our Lord’s word to us today. First, a clear word from Jesus as to our God’s intent for marriage. Jesus proclaims a God who created marriage to be a permanent and fulfilling relationship where couples care for and about each other throughout life. And although this passage focuses primarily on divorce, I believe that God is equally displeased with marriages in which spouses have long since separated themselves emotionally and spiritually. Abuse and neglect are also against God’s will…and in those situations, the permission of Moses may be a merciful release – because of heard heartedness and hard headedness.
But there is a second and most important word that we must remember alongside these verses before us today. In John’s gospel, Jesus says, “The Son comes not to condemn the world, but that it might have life” – to forgive and to heal and to build up. We must remember the risen Jesus of the gospel who comes for all who fail to live out God’s intent…Jesus who brings forgiveness, healing, and a new start for broken and for faltering marriages as well as for broken or faltering people.
Jesus is the one who brought hope and healing to my Aunt when her marriage failed. And Jesus is the one who led two of my colleagues at the ministerial meeting, two who also divorced and remarried, to stand and offer a hand of welcome to a fellow forgiven sinner. When we ourselves know the gracious live-renewing forgiveness of Jesus, we are not reluctant to extend such forgiveness and grace it to our neighbors. May this Jesus – the risen Son of God – keep us in the fullness of His grace. Amen.
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