Learning to Lean

by Pastor Wade

I don’t know that Bishop Steve Talmage drinks coffee. He probably drinks something a little colder down in Arizona…but his personal journey over the last few months after discovering a heart blockage at age 48 has been a source of reflection over my cup.

I don’t know that Bishop Steve Talmage drinks coffee. He probably drinks something a little colder down in Arizona…but his personal journey over the last few months after discovering a heart blockage at age 48 has been a source of reflection over my cup. Steve was a classmate of Dave’s and mine at seminary and he and his wife, Barb shared a wall with Holly and me at the Blair House Apartments. They remain good friends. I share with you some of his learning and reflection for your time over coffee. Under the title “What’s a bishop to do?” Steve writes,

…learn to trust God and others. I am not a big fan of being out of control of my environment or circumstances. I wrestle with God like the best of us. Learning to surrender and submit is a daily battle. Anyone who has found themselves told to strip and put on those fashionable hospital gowns and lay quietly in a high-tech hospital bed knows what it is like to begin to surrender to both God and others. Receiving the parade of medical staff who poked, probed, listened, questioned, and looked at me taught me that God was surrounding me with a team to address what I could not manage on my own. I realized I had a choice. I did not have to have the surgery and I could simply take the chance of suffering a heart attack, damage my heart and even die, or I could do as recommended. I surrendered… I had no fear of dying. I am firm believer in the promise of my baptism. I have been marked by the cross of Christ forever and sealed by the promise of the Holy Spirit. I trust implicitly in the promise of Romans 8 that there is nothing in all creation, not even death that can separate us from God’s love which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. My deepest concern however was the painful reality of having my chest cracked open, but once I received the gift of anesthesia that concern drifted far away.
…learn to move from helplessness to hopefulness. I have shared with many that one of my favorite authors, Eugene Peterson, in one of his books made the comment, “Isn’t it amazing that most nights we can go to bed and be unconscious for seven to nine hours, and the earth still circles the sun and rotates on its axis without any help from anyone of us.” I don’t like being helpless, but my faith rests in the one who is never helpless and does just fine without my help. This may be a stretch, but going into surgery is like going into death and awakening after is like resurrection. The old diseased part of me has been replaced, and made new and healthy.
…learn to be grateful. When Barb and I were driving over for my heart catherization/angiogram I told her, “I really am trying to be grateful that Dr. Lin has pushed me to get this done, so we can know if there is anything seriously wrong. But I need to tell you if this procedure shows I need by-pass surgery I am going to be really angry and shocked! I have been healthy my whole life. I don’t fit the profile or have a history. But I am going to try to be grateful.” As I have learned, one-third of those who suffer their first heart attack don’t live to tell about it… So I have personally thanked my family doctor for sending me to the cardiologist immediately after my acid reflux episode. I have thanked my cardiologist for pushing me to not wait. I have thanked my surgeon for his gift and let him know that thousands were praying for him and thanking God for his gift as a healer. I am appreciative to the nurses who put up with me…I am also appreciative of my family. My extended family has been present in a variety of ways…I cannot imagine facing this without the gift of family and community.
…learns to lean. My daughter Meghan brought this home from a bible study at our campus ministry at NAU. I don’t know the author.

“The journey of the human spirit has tiring searches, long stretches of grief and letting go, dark-hearted things that steal the energy from our spirits. At these times we need lean-tos. Our lean-tos can be anyone or anything that brings us a sense of hope, a pause from pain, a bit of strength to sustain us, a little vision for guidance, a touch of happiness.

We have a wonderful lean-to in God whose heart always welcomes us and provides refuge for us. We often have people who stand by us and offer warmth, support and refuge. Little comforts and glimmers of hope that we do not notice when we are strong become very significant for us when we are weak: a smile, a song, a sunrise, a bird’s chirp, a phone call or a letter. In all these we rest our woes and our weariness and draw strength for our recovery.”

With Bishop Steve, I thank God for being our wonderful “lean-to,” and for you who are mine.

Pastor Wade

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