“Grief Flashbacks”

by Pastor Wade

“But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruit of those who have died.  For since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead has also come through a human being.  For as all die in Adam, so will all be made alive in Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:20-22
March was a month for road-tripping…

March was a month for road-tripping.  Among other places, I was down to St. Cloud three times last month.  Two were for sectional basketball tournament games and one was the Minnesota Music Teachers Association State Vocal contest.  All were great fun!  (And did you know that there is a new Dunn Brothers Coffee Shop at the Alexandria exit?  And a Caribou on the north side of Alex on Hwy 29?  Now you do.) But in the midst of the enjoyment of watching our young women and men in competition, I also had flashbacks of other trips I made just over a year ago to see my mother in the hospital.  The road to St. Cloud brought visions of the ICU and a long night in the Crosby hospital that had finally brought us to St. Cloud.  I could not keep those visions from coming unbidden into my consciousness.  Just as I cannot keep them from coming when I visit my Dad at his home.  He makes my coffee now, but we both think of Mom when he does and sometimes we talk about it.

And that’s okay.  Grief continues for weeks and months and years after the loss of a loved one.  Memories come flooding in unbidden, sometimes at the craziest times, like on the road to a basketball game.  It is part of the normal experience of loss.  It does not mean we are going slightly crazy or that we are not healing.  It is rather like a wound that has scarred over.  We still see the mark, and when we see it, we remember the event and we remember the pain…but it is less now.  It will always be there, but we will have experienced healing.  Admittedly some of that healing is slower than others.  But in the very least, we have gotten this far down the road and we are not in the same place we were six months or a year ago.

I have a hunch that most of you have similar experiences of flash-back grief.  When you do, find a moment to stop and tell our Lord about the ongoing hurt and emptiness.  He knows, but wants us to be able to tell it.  It is a bit like confession.  It allows us to consciously identify it and then ask for help in bearing it.  And then, after expressing the grief, find even a small way to give thanks that you have come this far in the healing…even if it seems only slightly better.  And remember for a moment those who have walked with you – your family and friends and neighbors in Christ who have prayed with you and brought you cookies and maybe a container of soup that “they just happened to make too much of.” And remember that friends and neighbors are one of the ways that Christ surrounds us with His love and nurtures us in our pain. 
Finally, cling to the promise of Jesus…as Paul writes to the believers in Thessalonica, “we do not grieve as do those who have no hope.” (1 Thess. 4:13) Easter is coming.  Again we remember the resurrection of Jesus and the empty tomb, which tells us that our loved ones are not lost to Him or to us.  As he has been raised…so will they…and so will we.  May the Peace that comes with that promise sustain you in the moments when grief “flashes back.” Jesus knows…and he is also a part of the “flash back.”

Thanking God for you,

Pastor Wade

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